I had a pleasant date on Valentines. This is our third date and he is closer to what I want. He’s an engineer in IT and a manager. He has a responsible job and goals. He’s smart, a great listener and asks me thoughtful questions. I am happy when I am with him.
He took me to brunch at a quaint restaurant. On the way in he said, “I think we should talk about not getting too serious. I am dating a couple of other women and I am a little concerned about getting too close, at this point.” Bummer. I like this guy and I don’t want to date others right now. But we have only seen each other for a couple of weeks – it is probably prudent to stay open (both of us.)
I told him that I lied about the year I was born on my dating profile. I said I was fifty-eight years old, not sixty-two (my real age.) I thought I better tell him and that I have good reasons. One is for security – I don’t identify myself with my real birthdate on social media. And the second is that some men into their sixties have lost interest/abilities sexually and I want a man who is a vibrant lover. Now it all sounds lame.
He isn’t sure about our age difference – he’s 56. But if I am a passionate sixty-two-year old it probably doesn’t matter. And, he says I move well. I guess that means I seem younger.
There are so many ways to match up. All I can do now is wait and see. And not text him. In the meantime I’m OK, either way. Just feeling a little sad.
I met date #12 at a new coffee shop. I am going to have a weird association with coffee shops when this dating experience is over. I only ordered a drink even though I was hungry. I wasn’t comfortable eating in front of him (takes too long if I want to leave.) He was waiting when I arrived.
He asked me out after yoga class last week. He has long, straggly hair. I like clean-cut. Isn’t that funny? In college I was a hippie. Amazing my thoughts!
He is an engineer-turned-artist. He makes stained glass and sews, things with feathers on them. He gardens. “Do you work?” “No, I got laid off years ago and my wife (who left me last year) has been supporting me.” “Really?” “Do you know why she left?” “I really am not sure.” “Could she have been tired of supporting you?” “Maybe.”
He seemed comfortable telling me that he hasn’t worked in 10 years. This is not appealing! I want a man with direction. The guy I am looking for has goals and is working toward something. Our conversation is NOT going well.
I finished my tea. He asked me several more things and tried to listen without interrupting. (He said that is hard for him.) As we walked out the door I said, “I’ll see you in yoga tomorrow.” He responded, “Only if I wake up from my nap in time.” Uggggh.
Heading into date #10. Dating hasn’t been all that fun so far.
A recent date was with a man I met through a mutual friend. My previous experiences with him were pleasant, he seemed caring about his grown children and he has a career he enjoys. Once we met at the restaurant he started telling me about his ex-spouse who was a ‘black widow’ – she stole money from him and his kid’s college accounts. She lied to his mother about their financial situation and extorted money from her. Then he got excited telling me about why he thought Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are good for our country and that I better vote for them! I suggested this wasn’t good 1st date material but it didn’t seem to matter…he continued his painful diatribe as if I wasn’t there. If we hadn’t already bought movie tickets I would have asked for a doggie bag and left him on the spot!
The next day I thought, ‘At least I have someone new to go to lunch with. He says likes hiking and has been a guide in the National Park.’ I met a tall, cordial man inside the restaurant. We got seated and ordered a delicious meal. I was enjoying myself when he started telling me that his divorce was all his wife’s fault. She didn’t support anything that mattered to him. And now he is paying alimony! Then he asked me who I hoped would win the presidential election! I couldn’t believe it. I said, ‘this isn’t the best conversation for a 1st date’ and he continued to get riled up about why people were voting for Bernie when Hillary is the only real candidate. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
I went home and sent emails saying that I enjoyed my meal with both but after reflection I realized that I’d prefer not to talk heated politics and miserable ex-wives when we are dating. I don’t want to see either of these two men again. I am starting to wonder about this whole idea of dating. Why doesn’t someone woo me? Ask what thrills and delights me? What is my favorite thing to do on a date? Is it that hard?
I checked my online profile this morning. I’ve written emails to multiple guys…all men who appear similar to me. Received one reply saying, “I don’t think we are a match.” What’s that about? You don’t like my pictures? Did you read what I said about myself with all the sincerity and trust I could muster?
I’m relieved, too. Now I can go on about my life. Get back to my novel. Clean out my desk. It’s a snow day and I am hunkered down in my office. I don’t need a guy to email me to feel good about myself.
That’s fine if you don’t want to meet me.
I carry birdseed to my feeder so that hungry chickadees can eat today and I shovel the walks.
Then I get a text from a guy I talked to weeks ago online. I never expected this. He sounds sweet. Talked about how beautiful the snow is. Wondered what I was doing. Asked if I might like to meet this week? The tone of his text is gentle, nice. I said I’d be available after my yoga class tomorrow. Now I have a date and I am nervous.
This is date #10. Nine previous disappointing dates. What have I learned? Cut losses quickly, move on when things don’t feel right. I’ve done a lot of personal work and I want a man who is self-aware, thoughtful in his actions and words. I’ll know that man when I meet him.
Remind yourself, Anne Marie, this is fun. And you are worth it.
I am Anne Marie. I am a widow in my 60’s. I never thought I would be looking for love again. But here I am. My husband was a good man who is gone. Even though I am self-sufficient I am better as a ‘we.’ I like having someone at my backside. Being one of two improves me. I hope to find true love one more time.
This is Anne Marie. My husband died two years ago. I am 62-years-young and I am looking for love and romance.
I have no idea how to make that happen.
I am nervous about being in the dating market. Will anyone want to date me? I took care of a sick husband before he died. My world got small and I don’t know how to date or even what I like to do with a man. Do I know ‘what to do with a man’? Kiss, feel tingly, relax?
Maybe there’s a man in my neighborhood who is lonely and wants to share dinner or a movie. Maybe Mr. Right is right around the corner. What if he doesn’t like kisses? I like slow kisses.
What if the guy for me lives in another state? What then?
I am going to make dating a game. That’s the only way I can handle it. Have fun with it. Don’t take it too seriously. (Right…in the middle of being terrified.)
I’m a believer in positive outcomes. I’m a life coach who tells people that ‘something good is about to happen’. Something good can happen for me. Why, then, am I afraid?
It makes sense to give dating a try. Nothing lost, nothing gained. I can’t be any worse off, except for some possible ego harm when I get rejected.
I am going to date as many men as I can and be picky about who I choose. That’s it. I am clear about it – he has to earn the right to be with me. I commit to 100 coffee dates from this day forward. Which means I’m going to be turned away or have to reject a lot of possible suitors. This is good practice, right? Can I turn away men who don’t make the mark? What if I crush someone? What if they crush me?
I trust myself to wait for a man who makes me feel great. How do I know when Mr. Right becomes Mr. Wrong?
I am going to learn a lot about me. This is exciting and it makes me feel a little ill.